Big Lessons From a Little Town
by Sheryl & Don Grimme

More Information About the Author: Click Here for the Sheryl & Don Grimme Home Page

In a later Gallop Poll, adults put most of the blame on parents & family – while teenagers thought peer issues were primarily responsible. Both agreed, however, that personal problems were also significant.

Let's examine these top three factors.

Parents & Family

Where were the Harrises & Klebolds when their sons were watching Natural Born Killers over and over again? Weren't the Harrises aware of the pipe bomb factory in their garage? T.J. Solomon (of the Conyers, GA shootings) had access to weapons in his stepfather's gun cabinet. Printouts of bomb recipes, rantings about his despair, and notes on where to plant explosives at the school were found in T.J.'s bedroom.

However, the problem isn’t just limited to just these three families. In fact, parents today spend 40% less time with their kids than 30 years ago!

Early childhood development expert, Dr. Sally Goldberg tells us that the positive experiences during the first three years of a child’s life are the most critical. "Children who have positive experiences … are also strongly disposed to having positive feelings about themselves, feelings that will carry over to the way that they will treat other people. No one who respects themselves, has a sense of self esteem and self worth, and a value for life would commit the acts of violence witnessed in Littleton, Colorado."

Peer Issues

At Columbine and elsewhere, there exists a Jock/Cheerleader Clique. Many of the athletes within this group shoved and threw rocks and bottles at Klebold and Harris, taunting them with verbal assaults that no individual would want to endure. "One of the main things to do is to keep picking on unpopular kids because it's just fun to do," said a high school cheerleader.

But Eric, Dylan and The Trench Coat Mafia didn't fit into any of the cliques. Fellow students described them as discarded unwanted geeks. Even the teachers picked on them, blaming them for things they hadn't done while the jock’s misdeeds went unpunished.

In the words of a 15 year old student: "If you go to school, and people make fun of you every day, and you don't have friends, it drives you to insanity." Psychoanalyst Leon Hoffman agrees, "All kids need to belong, and if they can't belong in a positive way at the school, they'll find a way to belong to a marginal group like a cult or a gang." But philosopher David Kelly has commented that "it doesn't have to be that way. If [our kids] are willing to think for [themselves], then [they] won't need others to give [them] an identity."

Personal Problems

All three of these children exhibited deep emotional problems and had alarmingly low self esteem.

But Eric, Dylan and T.J. are not unique. There has been a 300% increase in teen suicides since the 1960's and a 1,000% increase in depression among children since the '50's.

Shortly after the Columbine tragedy, Tipper Gore wrote, "If we are serious about stopping the violence and helping our children, we as adults need to erase the stigma that prevents our kids from getting the help they need for their mental health."

Parents, teachers and communities need to find ways to provide children with encouragement and positive environments. Our children are crying out for help. Do we hear them?

For more information, please read Grimme's Top Ten Tips for Parents to Prevent Violence

Copyright Sheryl & Don Grimme. All rights reserved.