When is a Life a Lie?
by Linda Tarrant

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In the sixties, there was a great television show about a double agent who lived a very scary but glamourous life. He also lived many lies. It was never clear who he really was or what he really believed. He was almost too convincing in every situation.

While most of us will never be double agents, we’ve all had times in our lives when we’ve felt we had to behave differently depending on the situation...visiting our parents, going out on a first date, participating in a meeting when the boss was present... the list goes on. It might seem harsh to say that we were living lies in these situations, but the truth is, we know that we’re not acting with integrity.

Webster’s defines integrity as: firm adherence to a code of values; incorruptible; being complete or undivided; unity. Integrity is about being authentic with yourself and others and being consistent in what you say and do. To live with integrity, we must first know what we value and then monitor our behaviour against those stated beliefs. Simply knowing what we believe isn’t enough. We continually have to choose between being ourselves and being what we believe others want us to be. We may hide our honest feelings and beliefs because it seems easier or we feel it would make others happy or more comfortable. But when that happens, we’re in danger of losing not only our unique self, but also the unique value that each of us brings to our work and our relationships. When we don’t act with integrity, we all lose.

I have worked with many leadership teams as they tried to articulate their values. This is an important, but potentially dangerous exercise. Once a leadership team announces what they believe in, employees will expect to see the values put into action. If they don’t experience or perceive consistency between the stated beliefs and demonstrated behaviours, there will be a breach of integrity. I believe the integrity gap -- the difference between what we say and what we do -- is the greatest source of skepticism and cynicism in organizations today. Ethical management and spirituality may be common topics in today’s popular business literature, but many employees would question how much of it is being put into practice in the workplace.

The difference between the Management Philosophy and management behaviour is a key factor in determining whether there is an integrity gap within your organization. For example, many companies espouse teamwork as a corporate value, but the leaders aren’t good team players and don’t reward team behaviour. Organizations state that they value different perspectives and encourage disagreement, but there are often negative consequences for openly expressing conflicting points of view or values. Women are still often faced with behaviours and language that are offensive, demeaning or harassing. They fear that if they don’t go along with it they’ll be labeled as "one of those feminists", or someone who is unable to take a joke, or not a team player. We may say we value diversity, input and respect, but the real organizational values are those that we allow to be lived out on the factory floor or behind the closed office door. Actions speak louder than words. (Your mother was right, after all.)

The only way to get organizations to act with integrity is to start with the people who make up the organization. In order to determine if you have an integrity gap in your own life, you need to take some time for self exploration and ask some critical questions. What do I want to achieve in life? What gives me great joy? What would I die for or live for? Where would I draw the line on ethical or moral issues? Why do I break my commitments? What do I fear will happen if I let others know who I really am and what I really believe? As you become clearer about who you really are and what you believe in, you will be able to recognize when your beliefs and actions are inconsistent. The difficult part is to decide to what to do about it.

I really admire people who live with integrity. They are genuine; what you see is what you get. They often make others uncomfortable because they are so honest. You know them because they:

• keep every commitment they make
• are honest with themselves and others
• admit their mistakes
• live their stated values even when it’s tough or costly
• stand up for who they are and what they believe in
• bring themselves into their work and their relationships
• speak from the heart, even when it’s unpopular

We don’t have to be like the double agent who lived many lives and was constantly afraid of being caught in his lies. We can choose to live with integrity by bringing our beliefs and actions into alignment. When we do that, we will experience a sense of wholeness and unity. We will be more authentic with ourselves and others and that will help us build more trusting relationships. To live with integrity can transform your life. It may not always be easy, but at least it will be easier to keep your stories straight. They will always just be the truth.