Grammar Gremlins Infest
by Jean Rupp Murray

Good writing is a powerful tool. It can make your message stand out from the mass of material that competes for attention every day. And your messages do compete for attention. The problem with much writing today, however, is that it is infested with Grammar Gremlins — those roaches that encroach upon your important written communications to contaminate your message and alienate your reader. Your writing must be letter-perfect. You will commit "suicide-by-letter" if your letters to prospective clients have errors in grammar and usage.

How good is your grasp of the English language? Do Grammar Gremlins plague the pile of papers on your desk? To help you find out, test your knowledge with the following check-up:

Grammar Gremlin Check-up

Can you identify the Grammar Gremlins in the following sentences?

1. Stan has more speaking engagements than me.
2. The report which Carol wrote provides valuable information.
3. Sam is the one who they plan to send to the conference.
4. Connie feels badly about forgetting her speech.
5. Steve is the most qualified of the two speakers we interviewed.

If you don't know the answers to all the questions, don't feel bad (not  badly). Many people have problems with the basics. And it's not surprising. The English language is not an easy language to master. In addition to that, our language is rapidly changing. Some of the rules of 25 years ago simply don't apply today. So what is the professional supposed (not  suppose) to do?

One thing you can do is become familiar with the most common Grammar Gremlins. Once you know and understand them, it will be easier to exterminate them from your writing. To help you rid your written words of these pesky creatures, I have compiled a list of the 10 (or is it  ten?) most (or is it  more?) common errors in grammar made by business writers. I have created the list from the thousands of documents I have read as a professional speaker, communications consultant, and writing instructor for business and government. So let's investigate this further (or is it  farther?) to rid your writing of these Grammar Gremlins.

Top 10 Grammar Gremlins

Grammar Gremlin #1: David Doberman and me will meet at 8:00 a.m. Thursday.

Confusing I and  me is a sure way to demonstrate your lack of grammatical skills. Use I when you do something ( I do the job); use  me when something is done to or for you ( The job was done for me). Exterminated: David Doberman and I will meet at 8:00 a.m. Thursday.

Grammar Gremlin #2: If you have any questions, please call John, David, or myself. Never, never use  myself as a substitute for  me. Use  myself reflexively (I thought of it  myself), or use it if you do something to yourself (I cut  myself).
Exterminated: If you have any questions, please call John, David, or me.

Grammar Gremlin #3: I like the suggestion which Jack submitted.

This Gremlin is tricky but easy to learn.  That introduces a restrictive (defining) clause or phrase. In other words, it is essential to the meaning of the sentence.  Which introduces a non-restrictive (non- defining) clause or phrase. It is non-essential information. (Example:  I like Jack's suggestion, which everyone already knows). Generally, you will use commas with which. Exterminated: I like the suggestion that Jack submitted.

Grammar Gremlin #4: Who did you select to conduct the seminar?

  Who or  Whom? This Grammar Gremlin creates havoc with many business writers. Don't make it more difficult than it is. Follow these simple guidelines. Use  who when  he, she, they, I, or  we could replace the who. They are all nominative case. Use  whom when  him, her, them, me, or  us could replace the  whom. They are all objective case.

Still confused? An easy way to ensure (or is it  assure or maybe  insure?) that you are using the right form is to rearrange the sentence like this:

 Whom did you select to conduct the seminar? (objective case)
I selected  him to conduct the seminar. (objective case)

Grammar Gremlin #5: I feel badly about not getting the speaking engagement.

Use  bad (the adjective) after  feel or after verbs dealing with the senses—taste, touch, sight, sound, smell. (Example:  Yuk! This food smells bad and tastes bad.) Use  badly (the adverb) with action verbs. Therefore, if you are wearing gloves, you will hinder your sense of touch and you will  feel badly. Look at it this way. If my dog, Fred, smells  bad, I need to give him a bath. If my dog, Fred, smells  badly, he has a defective nose.
Exterminated: I feel bad about not getting the speaking engagement.

Grammar Gremlin #6: Marv Ellis is the more competent of the five speakers we interviewed.

Use the comparative form  more when referring to two persons, places or things. Use the superlative form  most when referring to three or more.
Exterminated: Marv Ellis is the more competent of the five speakers we interviewed.

Grammar Gremlin #7: The new series of management classes look interesting.

The verb  look must agree in number with the subject, which is  series. More often than not, writers mistake  classes for the subject.  Classes is a part of a prepositional phrase;  series is the simple subject—a singular, collective noun that requires a singular verb. Don't let modifying words that come between the subject and the predicate confuse you.
Exterminated: The new series of management classes looks interesting.

Grammar Gremlin #8: Sometimes a person gives up on an exercise program because they don't have time for it.

Even careful writers sometimes allow this naughty Grammar Gremlin to encroach upon their messages. A pronoun must agree in number, person, and gender with its antecedent (the word for which the pronoun stands).

Exterminated: Sometimes a person gives up on an exercise program because he or she doesn't have time for it.
Exterminated again: Sometimes people give up on exercise programs because they don't have time for them.

Grammar Gremlin #9: The general manager will introduce himself to the new employees on Tuesday, December 12th.

Don't let this troublesome Grammar Gremlin slip onto your page. When the day follows the month, use a numerical (  1, 2, 3, 4, etc.). Don't add  -st, -nd, or -th to the number. However, when they day precedes the month, you can write it in either a numerical ( 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc.) or as a word ( first, second, third, fourth, etc.)
Exterminated: The general manager will introduce himself to the new employees on Tuesday, December 12.

Grammar Gremlin #10: We need to schedule the conference room, write an agenda, and it must be sent to all employees.

The parallel structure in this sentence is off balance. Careful writers must use similar grammatical structures for similar ideas.
Exterminated: We need to schedule the conference room, write an agenda, and send it to all employees.

Many other Grammar Gremlins infest daily business communications, so be wary of them. You need to make sure that all your communiucations—letters to prospective clients, thank you and follow-up letters, proposals, marketing materials—compare with the finest.

To exterminate bothersome Grammar Gremlins from your writing, follow these tips:

1. Buy a good reference book and use it faithfully. 2. Edit relentlessly and proofread carefully. 3. Use computer software programs that check grammar and usage. 4. Ask for help. Have friends and colleagues check your writing for errors. 5. Attend seminars to polish your skills.

Happy Grammar Gremlin hunting.

ANSWERS TO GRAMMAR GREMLIN CHECK-UP: 1.  ...than I. 2.  ...that Carol wrote. 3.  ...whom they plan.... 4.  ...feels bad.... 5.  ...more qualified....

Jean Rupp, owner of Write Communications in Portland, Oregon, conducts workshops and seminars on effective business communications—listening, speaking, and writing—for corporations and government, both locally and nationally. Many Northwest business people are recipients of her Grammar Gremlin Citations and Commendations for which she was featured on KGW-TV News and KATU's Spirit of the Northwest. Also Jean's innovative approach and special talent for helping people communicate powerfully and professionally has won her inclusion in Marquis'  Who's Who in the West (23rd and 24th Editions), Marquis'  Who's Who in Finance and Industry, Marquis'  Who's Who of American Women, and American Biographical Institute's  2,000 Notable American Women, Seventh Edition. She is also the author of  Grammar Gremlins: An Instant Guide to Perfect Grammar for Everybody in Business.